Emotional Culture Adaptation

Two days ago, we woke up to the sound of women wailing. An 8-year-old child passed away in our neighborhood during the night and everyone gathered at a house two away from ours to mourn together. She died of a very high fever, they took her to the hospital but there was nothing that could be done. It haunts me in ways, would it have made a difference if I had offered her mother some information about how to purify water, what if it was completely preventable, what if.... But all the what-ifs in the world are not going to make a difference now. We are here and we are working as hard as possible to get started the things we hope will make that kind of impact. There will be mornings we won't wake up to the sound of wailing and maybe it is be because someone has learned to washed their hands well or has purified their drinking water or did know how to keep someone hydrated if they have diarrhea. We're looking forward to those mornings. For now, we grieve with the people who experienced this loss recently and try to pray the serenity prayer.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to notice the difference."

Author Unknown

Guineans grieve very differently than we do. A large group of pepole gathered and chanted the wailing songs and cried loudly. They waited at the house near us until a large number of people had gathered and then they walked together to where I can only assume the burial was conducted. Then they returned to and sang and cried a while longer. There were people in the road who were wailing all day. One woman ran up and down the road by our windows screaming and singing, others curled in half and wept from the depths of their hearts. It was the sound of absolute heartbreak. I was struck by how different this is from how we handle grief in the USA. Much of the way that we grieve is very silent--that is what seems sincere to us because it's what we're used to. We are very aware of our impact on others and try to minimize any chance we make someone uncomfortable. The wailing in the streets was like an invitation to what I see as a very personal affair, and I think it was meant that way. I was laying in bed early in the morning and just wept with them silently in my American way of experiencing sadness.
At MTI, we spent a day talking about loss and grieving and they used verses from the Bible from all places that talk about different kinds and ways of showing grief. I took away from the lesson that it's critical to access emotions and deal with them fully in my own way before they abcess. For me, it usually means crying quietly, but not always. For a Guinean woman, it might look very different. Both are valid ways to handle loss.The flip-side of grieving outwardly is that most emotions are openly expressed here. Laughter is loud, conversations get loud and spirited easily and people here usually don't hold grudges long. It made me wonder if keeping emotions out in the open might be a great idea. Once you've cried out and expressed all you were feeling, what's left but to move on? Once you've had a huge argument and said all you had to say, you just call it done where if you hold it in and get upset, you never quite let it go the same way. Then, when it's time to laugh, you can do so openly and fully as well.
Since arriving, I have wanted nothing more than to start working. Now don't get me wrong, we are working, we're learning language, we're learning how to run a household in a whole new world, we're starting off and it takes time. But I, in all of my American "get 'er done" mentality, just ITCH to get to writing lesson plans, talking business, making what I would call progress. I have to keep stopping to realize this IS progress we're making right now. The picture below is of us Skype-ing with some family and friends recently. That in itself was a whole new skill-set to learn. Cooking is a MAJOR learning experience for me. Last time I was here, I just snacked most of the time, now I am starting to cook....and it's SO different than cooking has ever been. We got our water filter out and have cleaned it and it's just now filtering its first CLEAN water for us! I went and got medicine for Sheba today and learned more Kriol on the way. I have hired my friend, Ruthie to help me with the work of washing and cleaning so I can have time to work on teaching and things when we move. We pay her about $30 per month for 10 hours a week of work and it is a good wage for someone here. We're learning how to carve out time for us and spend time with people just talking and getting to know them. It's all a process and we're learning to walk at a pace that's reasonable.
Thanks for reading these thoughts about recent experiences. We love you tons!